Never Meant To Be Easy

Have you ever thought of me ever since you got her ? Have I ever even crossed your mind ever since you got her ? Did you forget me ever since you got her ? Cause it seems like it. You know, I use to mean something to you. But now, I think I mean nothing to you. Nothing. Not even a friend. If that is the case, then that is just sad. 

5 more months. 

Can’t believe you didn’t bother to even say happy birthday to me. You remembered 2 weeks ago and all of a sudden you forget now ? It’s probably because you got a girlfriend and you forget about everything else. I didn’t expect anything from you and I won’t be expecting anything from you for a while. But you could at least wish me a happy birthday. Like honestly, once you get a girlfriend, you just forget everything. And if that is the case, fine. You can have it your way. 

I expected it. 

No attitude on the court, play my heart out, play with confidence and I will win. Maybe not physically but for sure I will win mentally and internally. Everyone has so much confidence in me, but I have none in myself. I’m not scared to lose, I’m scared to play and disappoint the ones that have so much faith in me. 

I have a feeling you found someone else. 

We hardly talk anymore, the only time we actually talk is when we have badminton practise and when I go to Kennedy with you for badminton, but other wise, we hardly talk. I know you’re going through a tough time right now, but I would really like to help and make you feel at least a bit better. I still consider you as one of my bestest friends and you mean an awful lot to me. But, am I still your best friend? Cause it certainly doesn’t seem like it. 

Boy, you have the heart of a champion. You always did and you always will, even when you leave this world. You never failed to throw your heart over every fence you sail over. You never failed to give your all for everything that you do even when you’re in pain. You never failed to be happy with your life and everything that is unfair to you. You never failed to be yourself. You never failed to make every person that you meet happy. You never failed to make me happy and to make me realize that everything at some point in life is going to be unfair and that even when the odds are stacked against me, I have to give it my all and to never give up. You were well in pain when you were sick, but you kept hanging on and kept trying your best to not leave this world and the many ones that love you. You never gave up on the difficult fences that I made you jump even when your health and your body was failing you. You gave it your all, when we did course work. You made sure I was safe and you made sure I had the time of my life. You never once failed to make me laugh or smile or to just simply make me happy. You opened up my heart and taught me a whole lot. You have no idea how much I love you and you honestly have no idea how much I miss you. Boy, you have the heart of a champion. You always did and you always will. 

I miss our late night phone calls and webcamming. I miss staying up till 2 with you and wasting all my phone minutes. I miss webcamming with you and seeing your cute face. I miss you making me laugh. I miss you annoying the heck out of me with all your obnoxious questions. I miss your random texts. I miss spending time with you. I miss you. 

I’M SORRY. You’re still my best friend. And since you are my best friend, that is why I told you about him. I didn’t know it was going to make you jealous and I didn’t know that it was going to upset you. He isn’t the replacement of you. It just so happens that I like someone again and I’m struggling through it. I just need a best friend to get me through it cause you are that best friend that will help through all my problems. Deep deep down I know you understand, but your anger and your jealousy is restricting you from understanding my need of a best friend. Anyways, I’m sorry that I made you upset. I just though you would understand me and try to comfort me and make me feel better like you always do. But I guess I was wrong and I misjudged. I’m sorry. That is all I could say.