Never Meant To Be Easy

You say that you don’t go for looks but you look for the personality in a guy. You are such a hypocrite to your own words. You are shallow. I know you only go for the looks, and won’t even think about getting to know him for who he really is. 

I do not know why it is so hard for me to let you go. To stop being aggravated that you have pretty best friends that you might fall for. To stop jumping every time I see your name pop up on my msn. To just simply stop liking you. Usually, it would be easy to get over a crush, but some how, this crush isn’t simply easy to just get over. Even though you are just a year younger, there is something about you. You are constantly on my mind. I go out with my friends, and it distracts me a little but when they talk about guys and boyfriends and such, I’m thinking about you all over again. Its just hard, I don’t know why.  

In the summer, I don’t like wearing shortshorts with a tanktop. I am comfortable wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirt. I don’t like wearing V-necks. I like wearing t-shirts. I don’t like wearing flipflops, I like wearing my Nike dunks. I don’t like having a purse with me when I’m out with my friends. I like my hobo bag or my Jansport backpack. I don’t like being loud for the sake of attention. I am loud because I have to be. I might be corrupted with dirty thoughts, but I don’t say dirty things because I can’t stand it. I don’t like make-up because it makes me feel like I’m covering myself up. I’m covering up who I really am. Yes, I have flaws. Everyone does. No one is perfect. But I rather you see the real me than see a fraud. I rather you hate me for who I really am than like me for who I am not. You want to know the real me ? I’ll tell you. I am short for my age. I am hyper. Loud. Emotional. Crazy. Artsy. Sucker for animals. Happy. Can’t stand up for myself. I love basketball. I love sports. I love art. I love horses and horseback riding.I love shoes. I hate being the center of attention. I hate being like every other girl. I like being ME. I like being original. I like being unique. I LOVE being me. I’m probably not your type of girl. You probably look for the girls who wear shortshorts, tanktops, flipflops, make-up. Thinks dirty, talks dirty, swears. You probably look for THOSE girls. Well, I’m sorry then. I am not that type of girl and I will never be. You either like me for who I am. I’m not going to be a fraud for you or for anyone. I am ME. This is the real Betsy

Whenever I see your name pop up on msn, my stomach just flips and I jump a little. I guess that is a sign that I still like you. Whenever, I scroll down and I see your name on my list of contacts, my stomach gets butterflies. Whenever I see you and your friends on facebook, I over think and think you like one of them and my heart just sinks. I’m always aggravated when I see your name on msn or tumblr or facebook.
I`m guessing … I`m just jealous. Sorree . 

You know what ? I’m just going to wait. Wait for you to talk to me first. For once, I’m not going to start the conversation, I’m going to let you do it. I don’t care when you do it. Whether it is in a few weeks or a month or 3 months, whenever. I don’t want to always be the first one to talk to you. I feel like I’m annoying you or bothering you, so I`m just going to be patient and wait.